Sunday, February 3, 2013

Why domestic violence victims don't leave

http://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave.html

 
These days the form of family have a lot of variation; conjugal families, extend families, lesbian/gay and children families, bisexual families, etc. No matter how different the family is, the common thing among all families is love, intimacy or close relationship between family members and couples.
But I sometimes wonder whether love is eternal and unchangeable thing, and I thought there is a clue to the answer in this Ted talk video.

I was totally surprise to know that the domestic violence starts suddenly and even the victim of the violence can recognize it as domestic violence, because they strongly believe, whether consciously or unconsciously, that they love each other. They believe there is a love therefore the victims don’t leave, even if the partner are about to kill them. Why can people believe so tightly that love will stop the violence someday? Why do they stand until they are hurt terribly or killed by the men who they loved?
 
At this point, I think I found a different between men and women; masculinity and femininity. In general, men try to show their power, strength, and authority during the relationship in order to fulfill the sense of masculinity. They seem to care about physical issues.
On the other hand, women show tenderness, feeling of love, and things which relate to emotion. I guess the gap between their ways of thinking will lead them end of their relationship.
 
But it is also true that there are thousands of couples and families who get along with their partners and live happy lives. What is the difference? Maybe, it is the difference of the partner itself. As the speaker told in her speech, her partner has being abused in his childhood and still had a strong sense of fear of the memory, and hence he attacked her. In this case the important thing is how to choose your partner.
 
Love is blind, so to speak, but it may be essential to step back, stay calm, observe your partner and the relationship between you and him, and think deeply whether if it will be for you.


 

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