I know we've all heard the debates ranging from sex-ed promotes sex among minors to kids are doing it anyways, let's give them the resources to do it safely. As for my own thoughts on the subject, I've seen first-hand what an abstinence only education can do. The effects are not just a generation who don't know how to have safe sex but also a generation who doesn't know what to expect in a sexual relationship, be that dating or marriage. As I think about the people I went to school with I know of too many with unplanned pregnancies and even one who was in an abusive relationship with the father of her child.
By not teaching our kids proper sexual education we are setting them up for failure. This is made worse in a lot of religious circles (speaking from my own experience) by creating this bifurcation of the idea of sex. Sex is shameful, something we don't talk about, other than to say sex is wonderful and the best thing ever when between a husband and wife, but don't talk about it. Even now, I'm married and have been for almost two years, but do my friends and I talk openly and honestly about sex, no. I'm thinking about friends I've known for almost ten years and the truth is I don't think I've ever had a single conversation talking about sex.
My point is this, by making sex into a shameful, yet deified, thing, kids have no idea how to be in a sexual relationship, nor do they know what a healthy sexual relationship looks like. How many abuses and assaults could be avoided if we taught our kids about the proper way to act in a sexual relationship, and taught them that it's okay to ask questions, especially if they are uncomfortable with something in their sex-life.
I shared in class the other day about one of my best friends, who is getting married soon. She and her fiance have had so many problems because neither of them has any idea what a healthy physical relationship looks like, let alone a sexual one. I think back on the biggest fights I heard about. The first I remember was from their senior year of high school; They didn't talk for a week because he touched the small of her back while hugging. A couple years later, they almost broke up because they had fallen asleep while studying and he had woken up with a "problem," and now weeks before their wedding they just got over another week of not talking because things got too physical.
I'm proud of them for dating for 6 years and keeping to their own principles of staying virgins, but I can't help but be concerned. How can you change so drastically overnight? A person can't go for 20 something years being terrified of having sex, to suddenly being expected to have sex, a lot, without shame. I know that many couples go into marriage this way but I also wonder if many marriages end because either one party can never get over the shame of sex.
Abstinence-only education leads to unfamiliarity with sexual content. By never discussing safe sex, pregnancy prevention,risk factors, or even the basics of "how to" (as you described as an issue with your friends!) only promotes disaster! My school was one of the few schools in my local area that taught sex-ed as a "whole-parted" concept (including all of which I just listed). One thing I would like to point out is that my high school also offered education in teen dating violence. This is HUGE. It is proven that most rape victims/survivors know their attackers. Most of which are in dangerous relationships! By addressing this side of "sex-ed" I feel that more teenagers will be able to protect themselves not only from disease and unwanted pregnancies, but from abuse.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree that high schools need to include a lot more information about sex and that abstinence only education doesn't prepare teens properly and can lead them to disaster. As for abstinence possibly leading to unhealthy relationships in the end, I definitely have had experience with people close to being in this situation. My friend's sister and her husband waited until marriage to have sex and though it seemed sweet and impressive, there were some bad effects too. Being religious, she was also taught that birth control isn't a respectful option and that sex is for having children. So when she and her husband did have sex, they didn't think they had the option of contraceptives and she was pregnant in a matter of weeks. Sex is supposed to be fun and help to strengthen a relationship, but instead the "fun" part of their marriage was cut short. They are happy about their baby, but I can't help but question the healthiness of a relationship lacking that connection and time to get used to marriage before having a baby.
ReplyDeleteI agree that schools need to reform their education in teaching healthy sex with partners. In participating the STARS (Students Today aren't Ready for Sex) all I remember about my brief sexual education was that sex was only meant only for the appropriate time and that it could lead to pregnancies. Then bam. We all got condoms. Needless to say my classmates laughed and joked at the program thinking it was hilarious to be taught sex. It did not stop them from being in unhealthy relationships nor have an idea what abstinence really represents. They ended up all being pregnant before the age of 18 with the knowledge that they are now part of the statistic of a teen mom. What what they do not know is whether they are happy in a healthy relationships from abuse or suffering internally with forced unwanted pregnancies. What is the true definition of a good relationship?
ReplyDelete